Psst...

It worked!!!

FET #4

After my surgery last month in preparation for our upcoming Frozen Embryo Transfer (the fourth one since November 2013), we're getting ready for transfer day this week.

The surgery itself went smoothly with little recovery time and, after the effects of the anaesthetic were out of my system, I felt back to my usual self. The last time I had a D&C (dilatation and curettage) was back in 2008 along with the diagnosis and partial removal of endometriosis, and the recovery time was a little bit longer so I wasn't sure what to expect this time around.

Ready for surgery, supportive husband is tired.

I started taking progesterone a couple of days ago (the first time I've had medication as part of a FET cycle) as my cycles are on the shorter side. My IVF nurse and our specialist agree that my body might be getting ready for a period before our embryos get a chance to implant properly and start pumping out HCG. So here goes nothing, hopefully progesterone is the last piece of the puzzle in our failure to conceive through FET cycles so far. In comparison, the cycle that our son was conceived in was an IVF stim cycle (with progesterone support in the second half of the cycle).

So far so good in terms of the hormones, I've been slightly crampy for the past 24 hours (like in the lead-up to a period) but nothing major. Hopefully I don't get too many other uncomfortable side effects with it, time will tell.

Next time I update will hopefully be news of a successful embryo transfer in three days time!

Scrapbooking Infertility and/or IVF Journeys

Here's the thing about scrapbooking... most of it is about showcasing happiness and contentment. I've fallen victim to this too in the past - it's easier to put on your rose-tinted glasses and write/create about what makes life great.

But what about the aspects of life that aren't so great? In my personal case, I'm talking about loss, infertility and IVF. Back when we were trying to conceive Rowan, I didn't include our infertility journey in any of my scrapbooking. I kept this blog (private at the time) as a place to get out all of my feelings about the process, and in my eventual pregnancy album made a single page where I chronicled the path we took to where we ended up:

(click image to see more detail)

In reality, the journey to conceive a child could have very much been a separate album. It might not have been the most positive album in parts, and over time I've learnt

FET #4 Preparation

Looks like we're about to start again! Saw the IVF specialist today and I'm booked for surgery in 4 days (a curette) to clear everything out and encourage positive immune response to embryos. It's all a bit over my head at the moment and very quick turnaround time, but at this point in time we'll give almost anything a try once to get my body in peak condition to welcome an embryo!

For more information about what we are trying and why it was suggested by our IVF specialist, see this article. Essentially, the point is to injure the endometrial lining so that the body rushes immune cells to the area, therefore giving the uterus a boost or so to speak. There have been some interesting studies about the positive effects these procedures have on women experiencing unsuccessful IVF attempts, I've discovered today. The effect of the immune cells lasts around three months too.

Interestingly, we got stats on the embryos transferred so far... 1 x B grade and 2 x C grade (transferred in that order). This last embryo? It's running a little late but got to being frozen in the end. Running late? Sound at all familiar? ;)

(for the record, Rowan's embryo was an overachieving early one... traits just like Matt!)

I also pushed for progesterone in the second half of my cycle (as recommended by our IVF nurse) and got a prescription for that too. So while I've prided myself on having 'natural' cycles so far, it's time to throw a little more at it and see what happens...

Another Negative FET Cycle

We lost another of our precious embryos this morning. To say I'm disappointed would be an understatement. With every embryo that I don't get the chance to grow and nurture beyond 10 days brings us one step closer to the realisation of potentially undertaking more full IVF stimulation) cycles.

We have one remaining frozen embryo left from the cycle that Rowan was conceived in, and have an appointment with our IVF specialist next week to talk about the next step (probably some progesterone support for the second half of my cycle). Years earlier, when pregnant with Rowan, I mused over one of those embryos joining us again one day, a special 'twin' (conceived in the same month) but born years apart. I always thought that was cool. With each loss we have, I feel sad that this might not be the case.

Can I even call these unsuccessful cycles 'losses'? It feels almost like a mockery of those women who carried babies for much longer. I'll never know whether any of these three embryos kept growing, tried to implant into my uterus or even started forming foetal/placenta cells.

If there is one thing I'll care to admit though, it will be that I'm glad every embryo we have had thawed so far has done so successfully... and all have made it home to within me once more.

FET #3

We signed the paperwork to begin FET#3 yesterday, after a break since January, when we unsuccessfully had FET#2 (a break well needed due to emotional reasons). Two frozen embryos remaining, fingers crossed that one of these is the sticky one...

I saw my naturopath during the week, I always feel so empowered after seeing her because she is like a doctor, natural health practitioner and psychologist all rolled into one. She listens to what I've got to say, asks thought-provoking questions and is all-round a great person. In the time I've been seeing her (on and off since 2009, when I was seeking advice following my endometriosis diagnosis and related cycle problems), I've been pregnant once, she twice and between us we have three beautiful, healthy boys. I met her eight month old at my most recent appointment, he's such an engaging little creature (the 6-8 month stage is one of my favourite baby times, despite it being teething time; I love the developmental leaps that happen then).

Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked (see, babies will do it to me every time!). I'm now on a course of herbs (slightly altered from the formulations preceding it) very similar to what I was taking when undertaking IVF first time around with Rowan but, rather than targeting egg quality this time around, it has to do with progesterone support (for implantation and healthy placenta formation). I'm getting some blood tests done over this weekend to see where my progesterone levels are at, as I've been having some funny-looking cycles this year - mostly very short ones, but with equal time between starting, ovulating and starting again. So rather than it being a short luteal phase potentially causing inadequate time for implantation (which was one of my initial fertility hurdles, it has naturally sorted itself out after my periods returned when Rowan was 7 months old), there might be something else going on.

To be honest, it frightens me a little that there could be something else lurking beneath the surface. Last time around, sure - we went through a lot before the initial IVF stuff - but we were successful pretty early on with that. This time? There's a 60% chance of success every time we go through a FET using our embryos, and so far we haven't been on that side of the figure yet. If this cycle doesn't result in a sticky embryo, I'm going back to our IVF specialist attached to the hospital in order to seek advice before we use our last remaining embryo. Personally, I'm hoping that there's a simple (ha!) explanation to not being able to fall pregnant this time (we haven't been preventing pregnancy since Rowan was 6 months old... and he is 3 now).

If I have to go through another full stim (IVF) cycle I think I'll cry, I really will. And yet, I'll push through... because I can't dwell on what isn't, simply what is. I haven't found peace with that yet, but perhaps in time I will. And hey, maybe a little more positive thinking on my part wouldn't go astray?

Results of our FET #1

And the answer? Negative. Not pregnant.

I was upset at first (and heck, I still am) because I feel as though my body let me down. But then again, there's all the other stuff going on genetically with this embryo that embryologists can't pick up from their look at it prior to transfer into my uterus. Perhaps it didn't thaw right? Perhaps it wasn't genetically viable? (missing chromosomes, etc) Perhaps the conditions in my body weren't quite right at the time. Perhaps there was no reason except for it is what it is.

Christmas had a little sting to it because if we'd have been successful with our FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer), we'd have had a confirmation ultrasound in the week leading up to it. Instead I found out another friend had a successful IVF cycle and was too busy being happy for her, ultimately. And I got to indulge a little with food and drink, which I wouldn't have been able to do as much had we been pregnant.

After a break during December, we're back to doing another FET in mid-January and I'm currently utilising naturopathic support (which I was doing prior to Rowan's conception in 2010). Hopefully 2014 brings us a successful pregnancy. :)