5 Weeks Pregnant

After using the last of our four frozen embryos (from 2010), a very straightforward transfer followed and the wait to the pregnancy blood test begun. 

There were a few things we did differently this time which may or may not have contributed to finally getting that elusive implantation:

• Acupuncture (immediately before and following the embryo transfer)
• Progesterone support (400mg pessary, twice daily)
• Dilatation & curettage (D&C) in the month prior to our transfer cycle 
• Herbal support from my naturopath (I have a post-transfer mix that I take 3 times daily)
• Keeping a consistent body temperature (no super-hot showers or very cold foods/drinks for 5 days following the transfer; blastocysts are temperature-sensitive)
• Taking it easy (no heavy lifting)

I'd like to hope that one or several of these things tipped the scale in our favour (or simply, that what we thought was our least strong embryo - left until last - was the one that actually came through for us). 

I am on progesterone support for rest of the first trimester and while it's a bit yucky, if it means a healthy pregnancy for the next couple of months then I will gladly continue it.

I found out about this pregnancy at 6dp5dt, I had a temperature shift (37.3C from 36.8C) following a day of mild cramping (I put this down to implantation in hindsight) and woke up in the middle of the night with a rapidly beating heart and sense of something being 'different' in my body. This intuition was pretty much how I realised I was pregnant with our son (now aged 3) so immediately recognised it. I got up and took a test... and sure enough it was positive!

This wasn't the original in-the-middle-of-the-night test, but
instead one I took the next day to confirm BFP.

Normally I wouldn't test so early during a FET cycle but the signs were too strong for me to ignore. I am sensitive to HCG and have a strong sense of what's going on in my own body. In our other (unsuccessful) transfers, there haven't been any moments like this, just continued failed cycles after 5, 6 or 7 days post-transfer (another reason I pushed our IVF specialist for progesterone, following self-research). 

I have had two blood tests recently - one at 10dp5dt (15DPO) and another at 16dp5dt (21DPO). The first came back with HCG=198 / Progesterone=128. The second showed HCG=1600 / Progesterone=100. I have one more blood test in a week's time, and then our first ultrasound (!!) booked for 7w0d to confirm sac and heartbeat etc.

In the meantime I'm continuing to parent our three year-old son while starting to get hit with tiredness (hello Nana nap!), queasiness in the afternoon and growing breasts (I'm small up top to begin with so changes there are generally pretty obvious). I've taken a 'beginning' belly picture but won't post it just yet until I've got something to compare it to - last pregnancy I took pictures weekly but this time I think I'll do it every two weeks (or at least in the earlier stages).

My due date is March 5th, 2015 (two days shy of my 33rd birthday). :)

FET #4

After my surgery last month in preparation for our upcoming Frozen Embryo Transfer (the fourth one since November 2013), we're getting ready for transfer day this week.

The surgery itself went smoothly with little recovery time and, after the effects of the anaesthetic were out of my system, I felt back to my usual self. The last time I had a D&C (dilatation and curettage) was back in 2008 along with the diagnosis and partial removal of endometriosis, and the recovery time was a little bit longer so I wasn't sure what to expect this time around.

Ready for surgery, supportive husband is tired.

I started taking progesterone a couple of days ago (the first time I've had medication as part of a FET cycle) as my cycles are on the shorter side. My IVF nurse and our specialist agree that my body might be getting ready for a period before our embryos get a chance to implant properly and start pumping out HCG. So here goes nothing, hopefully progesterone is the last piece of the puzzle in our failure to conceive through FET cycles so far. In comparison, the cycle that our son was conceived in was an IVF stim cycle (with progesterone support in the second half of the cycle).

So far so good in terms of the hormones, I've been slightly crampy for the past 24 hours (like in the lead-up to a period) but nothing major. Hopefully I don't get too many other uncomfortable side effects with it, time will tell.

Next time I update will hopefully be news of a successful embryo transfer in three days time!

FET #4 Preparation

Looks like we're about to start again! Saw the IVF specialist today and I'm booked for surgery in 4 days (a curette) to clear everything out and encourage positive immune response to embryos. It's all a bit over my head at the moment and very quick turnaround time, but at this point in time we'll give almost anything a try once to get my body in peak condition to welcome an embryo!

For more information about what we are trying and why it was suggested by our IVF specialist, see this article. Essentially, the point is to injure the endometrial lining so that the body rushes immune cells to the area, therefore giving the uterus a boost or so to speak. There have been some interesting studies about the positive effects these procedures have on women experiencing unsuccessful IVF attempts, I've discovered today. The effect of the immune cells lasts around three months too.

Interestingly, we got stats on the embryos transferred so far... 1 x B grade and 2 x C grade (transferred in that order). This last embryo? It's running a little late but got to being frozen in the end. Running late? Sound at all familiar? ;)

(for the record, Rowan's embryo was an overachieving early one... traits just like Matt!)

I also pushed for progesterone in the second half of my cycle (as recommended by our IVF nurse) and got a prescription for that too. So while I've prided myself on having 'natural' cycles so far, it's time to throw a little more at it and see what happens...

FET #3

We signed the paperwork to begin FET#3 yesterday, after a break since January, when we unsuccessfully had FET#2 (a break well needed due to emotional reasons). Two frozen embryos remaining, fingers crossed that one of these is the sticky one...

I saw my naturopath during the week, I always feel so empowered after seeing her because she is like a doctor, natural health practitioner and psychologist all rolled into one. She listens to what I've got to say, asks thought-provoking questions and is all-round a great person. In the time I've been seeing her (on and off since 2009, when I was seeking advice following my endometriosis diagnosis and related cycle problems), I've been pregnant once, she twice and between us we have three beautiful, healthy boys. I met her eight month old at my most recent appointment, he's such an engaging little creature (the 6-8 month stage is one of my favourite baby times, despite it being teething time; I love the developmental leaps that happen then).

Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked (see, babies will do it to me every time!). I'm now on a course of herbs (slightly altered from the formulations preceding it) very similar to what I was taking when undertaking IVF first time around with Rowan but, rather than targeting egg quality this time around, it has to do with progesterone support (for implantation and healthy placenta formation). I'm getting some blood tests done over this weekend to see where my progesterone levels are at, as I've been having some funny-looking cycles this year - mostly very short ones, but with equal time between starting, ovulating and starting again. So rather than it being a short luteal phase potentially causing inadequate time for implantation (which was one of my initial fertility hurdles, it has naturally sorted itself out after my periods returned when Rowan was 7 months old), there might be something else going on.

To be honest, it frightens me a little that there could be something else lurking beneath the surface. Last time around, sure - we went through a lot before the initial IVF stuff - but we were successful pretty early on with that. This time? There's a 60% chance of success every time we go through a FET using our embryos, and so far we haven't been on that side of the figure yet. If this cycle doesn't result in a sticky embryo, I'm going back to our IVF specialist attached to the hospital in order to seek advice before we use our last remaining embryo. Personally, I'm hoping that there's a simple (ha!) explanation to not being able to fall pregnant this time (we haven't been preventing pregnancy since Rowan was 6 months old... and he is 3 now).

If I have to go through another full stim (IVF) cycle I think I'll cry, I really will. And yet, I'll push through... because I can't dwell on what isn't, simply what is. I haven't found peace with that yet, but perhaps in time I will. And hey, maybe a little more positive thinking on my part wouldn't go astray?

Menstrual Cycle Changes

So I find out later this week whether I'm losing my job or not. I'm not holding out a lot of hope on this one, the preschool that I teach at is going to be closing down (possibly at the end of the year) after a long community history. I've worked there for nine years, which is no small feat in itself.

It kind of throws a few things into disarray, namely our plans to move out of this apartment we've made home for the past four years, and future family plans. We're living as if this aforementioned news may not exist, and holding out hope that I can find another teaching position elsewhere if that is what happens. 

In other news, my body is taking a hormonal beating over the last few months, most likely being triggered by a reduction in breastfeeding. Rowan (27 months old) was previously feeding three times per day and he's tapered off to once a day now. This is mainly my doing - to be honest - and it's something that's surprised me as I consider myself an advocate for full-term (ie, self-weaning) breastfeeding. Why have my views changed? I don't know. The interesting part is that dropping Rowan's feeds weren't a struggle on his side, he has breakfast instead of a milk feed, and a cup of milk before his nap. Easy peasy, I thought the pre-nap feed would be the most difficult for him to give up, but it was the easiest one. The feed before bed at night? I'm not quite sure how we'll change that nighttime routine when the time comes (not any time soon, unless Rowan shows signs of being disinterested).

My body has been doing strange things as a result, with longer menstrual bleeding (ie, 7-10 days), more cramping and three weeks between cycles. Hardly promising on the fertility front (although perhaps I'm producing more lining now?), but hopefully it all settles itself again soon as my body gets used to its 'new normal' once more. 

Mother's Day

It is Mother's Day here in Australia today, my third with a child on the outside (Rowan was 5 weeks old on my first one). As he lay in my arms feeding to sleep during naptime this afternoon, I realised how lucky I am, and the journey that it took to conceive him.

It’s beginning to hit me again that even though we have a terrific toddler and my body carried him well as a foetus, deep down I doubt that my infertility is something that has gone away. Hearing lots of baby news from other people I know personally lately (not online) has left me feeling jaded and envious, rather than genuinely happy for my friends. And this is something venomous that I want to stop the spread of, before it overwhelms me and my way of thinking. The interesting part is that I can understand how some people are happy with one child, their one and only. I completely get it, Rowan is the centre of my world and part of me is reluctant to change that. To go through everything again and perhaps not be so lucky (in conception, pregnancy or a child’s development). But I know that we won’t know until it happens, that so many other people (myself included) falter on the precipice of change.

Reading this back in a year’s time, will I nod and stand by my thoughts? 

Will I smile and remember how it felt to be trying to balance my mind?

Or will I laugh and simply consider myself silly for being afraid to take the plunge?

My Pregnancy Scrapbook [in Full]

I've made this post public for two reasons: 

1. To share with my family and friends who have listened to me talk about this project for a long time now; and

2. To inspire anyone who happens to find this post through search engines that there are many ways to document a pregnancy, and digital scrapbooking is one of them. :)

Just after Christmas, I finished working on my pregnancy scrapbook which had been over two years in the making. I taught myself digital scrapbooking when I was pregnant with Rowan so that I could undertake this project, and when I look back over my earlier layouts to the more recent ones in the book, I can really tell the difference. I thought about remaking a few of them before printing, but resisted the urge because I have memories associated with these earlier pages. So instead I tweaked the shadows and fixed up any glaring mistakes, and sent it all off for printing.

I printed with an Australian company called 123Cheese, as I had a coupon I'd bought earlier during 2012 with this purpose in mind. Basically, I got a $100+ project printed for $30, including postage/shipping. I was impressed with that, and had printed with the company before (photobooks, not digital scrapbooking projects) so I could vouch for their printing quality. Blurb are another printing company that I recommend, their quality is phenomenal but they are more expensive (you can search out coupons online pretty easily though, there are generally 15% coupons floating around; even up to 25% off before Christmas).

Anyway, back to the book... it was quite literally a labour of love and although I've shared pages here and there from it before, I've never posted it in its entirety before now. So without further ado, here are some pictures of the printed book itself and all week-by-week layouts. Lots of text (mainly for me to look back on, plenty of belly pictures and all the things I deemed important to tell at the time. I've had people ask me if I'd go to this much "effort" for subsequent pregnancies and I've said no, though I'd probably do a more abridged version if time allowed.

Some of the text/pictures might be difficult to make out, but that's due to the compression and resizing. In the printed book, everything looks crystal clear - even the thin journalling fonts. :)

The book itself; hardcover and linen-bound, printed in 12x12".
Hand for size comparision!

An example of layouts in the book (weeks 16-17)

The printing quality is exceptional, though a stitch-bound album would have been lovely,
glue-bound was only available from this company.

Following the week-by-week pages, I have his (lengthy) birth story, and a spread of 10 photographs of Rowan's first week in the world

ONTO THE ALBUM!

To view all pictures at a better size, click on one of them and it will take you to a full-windowed gallery (displaying bigger than in this post)

Inside front cover

Mastitis

So after feeling yucky and terrible for over 24 hours, I started expressing yellow-green pus from my right breast after Rowan boycotted eating from that side. No wonder he wasn't interested in it. And no wonder I was feeling so ill. I've had my fair share of blocked milk ducts in the past (almost) 19 months, but this was in a new league... hello mastitis!

I chowed down on raw garlic, rosemary and hand-expressed what I could over an 18-hour period and, after hand-expressing milk several times last night and this morning (Rowan slept 11 hours straight), the lumps in my breast are a lot smaller and not feeling engorged/tight, and only mild tenderness remains. The red streaks across my breast are also gone today – and the colour of the milk is more normalised too. By tonight, Rowan fed normally off that side, so I’m guessing that the taste was back to his liking too. I haven’t felt so flu-like either so, while I wouldn’t consider myself in the clear just yet, I’m feeling a damned-sight better than I was 24 hours ago.

Rowan has been going through a pinching phase lately (not in anger/frustration, but experimentation; just touching skin and saying “ouch” – my breasts included. He pinched/pulled quite hard a couple of days ago, so I’m wondering if that had anything to do with what I have been going through?).

One of the women in our Mums Group announced that she is pregnant again (she is 11 weeks, her daughter is 18 months old and the youngest in the group; the rest of the babies are between 19-21 months old at the moment). I’m thrilled for her but understandably have a little stab of envy. While pregnant and parenting Rowan, it was/is easy for me to forget our fertility struggles at times... but knowing that more pregnancies are likely to be announced by the other ladies in the next year or two makes me a little apprehensive about our own next step. Yes, we want to have (at least) another child in the future, but I have no idea what form this will take. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to go through month after month of disappointment, or appointments, needles, hormones, medication, procedures and waiting. Oh the waiting. Yes, we were incredibly lucky to have conceived Rowan on our first attempt of IVF but who’s to say that we won’t be so lucky next time? Going through this all the first time I had nothing to compare it to. But now? Being older, wiser and with more life experience I know how hard it can be. And I’m scared. Even things such as riding the IVF rollercoaster and going to appointments without work/family knowing (ie, arranging care for Rowan) so at least we could keep things more of a surprise next time if/when pregnancy happens. 

Musings on Baby Fever

I knew it would happen at some point, that "baby fever" would kick in again at some point in time. I think that the catalyst at the moment is three friends giving birth in the space of a week (!), and seeing pictures of tiny, squishy newborns has my uterus going ahhhhhhhhh! 

Would I say that given everything the past sixteen months has thrown our way, are we ready for another child yet? No, even despite infertility hanging over my head (it's easy to live in denial when running around after a toddler and smiling when answering other people's questions of "so are you having more children soon?"), which is a potential ticking clock in its own right, the time doesn't feel right. The initial months of motherhood weren't kind to me, I beat myself up a lot at the time about a lot of things - my emotions, the transition from wife to all-encompassing mother, breastfeeding, sleeping, the decision to re-home our pet. This time last year I was just starting to see the light after a bleak few months despite the snuggles and awe-inspiring observations of baby development at its finest. I can't imagine going through this again at the moment, not with Rowan as a toddler. 

But having said that, maybe the next time around (if we're lucky to be pregnant again) I'll be kinder on myself, perhaps I'll relax more and go with the flow, knowing what the initial newborn stage can be like (rather than starting from scratch).

Rowan surprises and astonishes us everyday with the new things he's learning (quite often, Matt and I find ourselves looking at each other and saying "are everyone else's babies like that?!"; of course, we live in a bubble where our own child is a prodigy :P). Tonight as we got Rowan dressed after his shower I found myself saying "if you ever have a sibling, you've set the bar pretty high". 

And he has. I also know from many friends that rather than the love in your heart dividing when another child is born, instead it multiplies. And when the right time comes, what shall be will be.

Menstrual Cycles & Fertility After Baby

I’m in the process of returning to so-called ‘normal’ menstrual cycles following the birth of my baby.
After my post-partum (PP) bleeding (called lochia; it lasted 5-6 weeks for me) I didn’t have a period for seven months but begun to feel familiar stirrings in my uterus from about five months PP. I bled for a couple of days when my son was 7.5 months, and then again when he was 9 months old. Yesterday, out of nowhere (26 days after my previous bleeding; my son is 10 months old) my first proper period started... and boy, I wasn’t ready for that! I had forgotten how heavy they can be.

Lulled into a false sense of security, I thought that I might be one of those women who continues to bleed lightly during periods while breastfeeding their baby. Evidently this is not the case (my son has four breastfeeds a day, and 1-2 in the night, and has three solid meals). It was painful, though not as excruciating as I remembered. Perhaps natural childhood has changed my scales of pain now (or again, lulled into a false sense of security...!).

I’d been doing some research into whether you can take targeted pain relief medications while breastfeeding and most of my findings tend to be inconclusive. In the past I have taken naproxen for period pain relief, though the manufacturers don’t recommend it for breastfeeding mothers. A very small amount of the drug passes through your milk into the baby, but it is very small – about 1%. And in large doses (certainly not typical use) it can have effects on the baby’s digestive and intestinal tracts. Some women may not feel comfortable taking such a risk, but for me –with a history of endometriosis and very painful periods – these little blue pills have been my saviour through recent years. So I have decided to take them for pain relief even while breastfeeding. Now I’m not silly and don’t go above the recommended dosage (I have never really needed to in the past), but I think that’s more important now than it ever was. If pain relief over a 36 hour period (excuse the pun!) allows me to function throughout the day and look after my baby, then that’s something I’m definitely continuing. :)

So am I returning to pseudo-fertility? (remember that my son's birth was the result of IVF after endometrial scarring on the fallopian tubes made natural conception a very low possibility) Who knows, time will tell.

And I guess that's another thing too - if I was fertile and capable of becoming pregnant without the help of reproductive technologies - would we be ready for another child now? I hear many other infertile women (yes, I still consider myself infertile despite having had a child) say that they would be thankful for any successful conception and birth that came their way, but honestly... would I truly be ready now - with a 10 month old - to fall pregnant again now? No, I wouldn't be. If I did, I'd cry, laugh and get on with it. Would we consider IVF again right this second to increase the size of our family? Of course not. Yet I know women who would. Or women who are trying to conceive another baby when their babies are 18, 12 or even 6 months old!

We will have another child someday, but not in the near future if we lived in an ideal world where all our wishes were answered. And that's the truth.

Infertility in a Fertile World

I've had a few moments of serious thinking lately, which has been triggered by a few people saying "You're not infertile anymore, you're pregnant!".

I have a bit of a problem with this for a few reasons - if anything I feel more guilty because I have an obvious phyiscal marker of fertility in front of me every day now. People notice my growing bump (which has been on the move quite a bit this week), so it's easy to pretend on the outside that I'm fertile like a lot of the female population.

The trouble is that I'm not. IVF and the wonder of science has helped my husband and I achieve this dream of childbearing, and without it we would still probably be trying and experiencing BFN after BFN, slowly losing hope. Where do I sit now? With the women who pregnancy has come naturally to, or with the women who still yearn for a child and my bump is a reminder of what sets us apart?

It can be difficult being an infertile woman in a fertile world, and the thought of going through IVF again in the years to come terrifies me as I now know what we're in for. I'm not the praying type, but I hope that my fallopian scarring somehow reverses with this pregnancy.

The Fertility Clinic

It has been an appointment-filled week (both medically and socially), yesterday was my appointment with my naturopath and today’s was with the fertility clinic.

I nearly cancelled the naturopathic appointment and asked for my herbals tinctures to be mailed out, as there hasn’t really been a change in my wellbeing or cycles. Sure, last cycle was a short one (24 days) but I did ovulate early and still managed to have a 12-day luteal phase. In the end, I’m glad I went – it was a sunny day, the scenery on drive over to her practice was gorgeous (as per usual; there are vineyards, fields and distant mountains... I think that’s natural therapy within itself!). My herbs are more of the same and I’ve been challenged to eat an organic banana – no small feat seeing as though I can’t stand that taste/texture of bananas, yet I find myself craving them often!

She also reassured me about today’s appointment, and that even though the specialist I would be seeing is western medicine-based, she won’t condone eastern/natural therapies either. She had some tests she wanted the results of (updated iron work and B12), so to get them tacked onto whatever blood work was being ordered.

Which brings me today, and the pseudo-adventure that was the fertility clinic. First thing I noticed? Sterile building (near-new) and long white walkway. Silence, my shoes make squeaking sounds down the hallway of doom hope. In the waiting room sits three other women, their body language echoing mine... drooping shoulders. One is clutching the hand of her partner, another dabbing her left eye with a tissue, and the last knitting while staring out into the distance. And then there’s me – trying to absorb myself in a magazine while the receptionist is busy on the phone with call after answered call about medications, menstruation and IVF.

The doctor is running a little late, but finally she calls my name (yes, a female specialist!) and I’m drawn into her office, which is less sterile than the surrounding areas. We discuss my history (ovarian cysts and endometriosis, Zoladex and contraceptives) and my cycles. I had printed out some of my charts, which she had a look at. I showed her the comparisons of before and after natural therapies and how it’s lengthened my luteal phase, but pushed back ovulation time. The doctor still thinks my cycles “need improvement” (yes... I’d like to see them improved too – to show pregnancy!).

While she doesn’t think my endometriosis has returned (because it’s only been just over a year since the Zoladex treatments; I beg to differ on this one), she showed an interest in what had been discovered in my laparoscopy and where (chocolate brown cysts on the back of my uterus and on my bowel) and that it must have been “severe” for “Zoladex to be implemented”... no, I wasn’t aware of that.

I sat quietly while the doctor explained reproduction and what needs to happen for conception to take place (again... who’d have thought it was sex that caused pregnancy... wow!!!), before she made her recommendations. This was where I could have done with my husband's moral support.

Three tests were ordered (which I was expecting, so no big surprises there) –

* General ultrasound of my pelvic area (no dye in my tubes at this point, unless the below tests come back normal)
* Blood tests for oestrogen/progesterone levels (to prove ovulation; taken 7 days after it typically occurs)
* Semen analysis for my husband

The last one was what got to me the most – even though my husband said he’d be willing to go along with it (previously; he doesn’t know that it’s actually been recommended today yet), I still felt saddened that he’s going to have go through this process... how demeaning!

“The best way to deal with all of this is to get you pregnant, and fast” said the doctor, as if to notify me of a goal I didn’t know existed. If my tests and my husband's tests all come back normal, then the next step is most likely going to be IVF. To be honest, I’m scared s**tless about the idea of this and am trying to think positive thoughts and that maybe, just maybe, something tangible comes up on the analysis or my ultrasound that explains everything.

My ultrasound is next Thursday morning.

My Story

Starting a blog can be a daunting experience... an open page with a lack of words, a heart full of promise for the times to come. And the anticipation... oh, the anticipation.

Growing up, I boldly told family and friends that I would one day be a single parent because I just didn’t think I would settle down. Did I fully understand an impact a statement like that would make? Probably not. However, situations changed as I sped through my teenage years and early twenties, and I found myself a newlywed a few months shy of my twenty-seventh birthday.

Another thing I took for granted was my fertility – that no matter what, it’d be there for me because that was the job of a woman’s body...to grow and nurture babies. Like a lot of women of my generation, I spent many years on the contraceptive Pill to regulate my cycles and protect me from pregnancy before I was ready to become a parent. What I didn’t know was that the artificial hormones were holding my (at this point undiagnosed) endometriosis at bay, which I discovered three years after going off the Pill.

A lovely female doctor set me on the right path, thrusting a wealth of information at me about a condition I’d never really heard of before – and something clicked into place... my painful and heavy periods, back pain, inability to wear a tampon or even have intercourse without tears welling up in my eyes (not from pleasure, either!)... I wasn’t alone and these symptoms had a name. Something real to grasp onto, at last!

My suspicions were confirmed in January 2008 by laparoscopic surgery (with endometrial ‘nodules’ found on the back of my uterus and on my bowel), and I now have a lovely picture of my insides on the fridge for all to see.

... Just kidding (it’s in a folder with my bills, and tax receipts).

But in all seriousness, this surgery changed my life. Daily tasks became manageable, and sex became a wonderful thing (especially now that I had a husband to share it with!). It did also force me to think more about having children, as my specialist said that the best time to fall pregnant was immediately after a laparoscopy cycle. He (yes, I had a male specialist) also recommended Zoladex as a follow-up to the surgery. I naively started the monthly injectables without truly understanding the impact that it was going to make on my life.

Did you know that Zoladex is an oestrogen-suppressant? Or that it puts you into a state of artificial menopause to stop the growth rate of endometrial growth? (it’s also used in conjunction with chemotherapy to treat breast and prostate cancers It’s also a drug not widely used by medical practitioners for managing endometriosis anymore, but I didn’t know my options at the time.

I won’t say that the time spent on this drug (six months) wasn’t the most pleasant of my life. Without the support of my husband and family, I don’t think I would have coped as well as I did... and even that wasn’t very well at times. I did get to experience menopause at the same time as my mother, and I don’t think many mothers-and-daughters could say that’s a journey they’ve made together! But within six weeks of finishing the last injection, my menstrual cycle returned and I began to feel like a woman again.

By this point, my husband and I were ready to start trying for a baby – the mythical “right time” had arrived. Or had it?

Over a year on from making that decision, and here I am... sitting here writing a blog about not being blessed with pregnancy as yet, while friends and loved ones around me are walking examples of female fertility. I’m neither bitter nor angry, but I am frustrated that our time hasn’t arrived yet.

I hope that my husband and I are to be biological parents of a child someday.

But in the meantime... I write.