18 Weeks Pregnant... and a Reveal!

I have long neglected this blog due to life being crazy chaotic around here. I am thankfully still pregnant with our twins, and simultaneously navigating selling our home (a two bedroom apartment won't cut it for our soon-to-be family of 5!) and parenting our 3.5 year-old son, Rowan.

Twin pregnancy has been very different to that of my first pregnancy. Everything has stretched faster, ached faster, everything has in fact been faster - including baby movement, which I felt the first flutters of at 12 weeks pregnant! Now, at 18 weeks, flutters have become pokes and I can distinctly feel a baby on each side of my tummy which is kind of fun. 

I am carrying monochorionic-diamnotic twins (or Mono-Di for short), which basically means the babies are each in their own amniotic sac but share a single placenta. This means extra monitoring via ultrasound (scans every two weeks starting at 16 weeks, and will progress to once per week from 24 weeks on). The extra scans are to ensure that both babies are growing as they should be and that one isn't getting more or less blood flow than the other. So far so good with our scans, but I'm always cautiously optimistic as I've been told that things can change very quickly in mono-di twin pregnancies. 

So, want to see our babies? Since 12 weeks, Baby A has been in a better position for photos (the twin closer to the front of my uterus, therefore easier to scan) so we've gotten some great shots. Baby B remains a little more elusive and is very wriggly (but I know we'll get that gorgeous profile shot at some point!).

Our twins at 12 weeks (Baby A on the left, Baby B on the right)

Baby A at 16 weeks (with a profile and nose just like Rowan!)

Baby B at 16 weeks

Twin bump growth at 12 weeks vs 14 weeks (when I started to really pop quickly)

16 week twin bump (see what I mean??)

And lastly, at our 16 week scan we were able to find out what we were having, I'll leave Rowan to fill you in with the details! ;)

It's BOYS!

8 Weeks Pregnant

This week I've had a head cold and forgotten how much being unwell while pregnant knocked me around (as well as caring for an extremely active 3 year-old!).

I've started to get my head more around the idea of becoming a twin parent. It's scary, really scary. I've had feelings of ungratefulness, of despair, of loss (of the pregnancy I thought I might have had), but also incredible awe at what my body is doing.

Already I am starting to get a little bump that is visible in the mornings and highly obvious by the end of the day. I look like I did at 15-16 weeks pregnant with Rowan, and I'm only 8 weeks! I have plenty of stretching/pulling pangs but they're not cramping so I'm okay with that. Little reminders like that 'stitch' feeling when I twist or stand up too fast remind me that the muscles are growing and round ligament pain will probably become a reality sooner rather than later.

8 week twin bump

We have our first appointment with the obstetrician next Monday (I'll be 9.5 weeks then), he was the same doctor who I saw with my previous pregnancy and he is well-known for being hands off and a supporter of natural birth. From what I know of him, he will support a natural twin birth (providing that the first baby is head-down towards the end of pregnancy). So hopefully after discussion we get the clearance to at least try for this option. Natural birth with little intervention is important to me and I am proud that Rowan's birth was exactly what I wanted. I understand that this time around might be a little different and with time, I think I'll be okay if that's what it comes to.

It floors me that in as little as 4-5 weeks we might know whether these babies are boys or girls. I'm very interested in knowing at the moment, whereas before becoming pregnant I was adamant about waiting until the birth! How times change... 

7 Weeks... it's TWINS!

Yesterday we discovered at our first ultrasound that there are in fact TWO babies on the way!

On the trip  home from the scan Matt and I started discussing the logistics of not being able to fit three child/baby seats across the back of our car and what that would most likely mean for our family (I don't like driving huge cars/4WDs), double prams, and will we ever get any sleep again after the babies are born?!

However, it's all so far away (and yet.... it isn't!) and as we're both thinkers (as opposed to do-ers) it's time to start talking about it. Then there's the fun part of coming up with extra baby names (squee!) and deciding such things as finding out the sex of the babies before they're born. We were leaning towards waiting until birth to find out had there been one baby, but now that there's two we'll probably find out for practicality reasons. Not that I'm displeased with that, unconsciously I think I probably wanted to know anyway.

Three children when both Matt and I saw our family with two? If this all works out, we are definitely done now!!

So here is what we know so far:

• The babies are identical
• Our single embryo split into two before it implanted into my uterus (basically a 48-hour window between the embryo being thawed and implantation beginning)
• Each baby has their own amniotic sac (a VERY good thing, I'm so relieved!)
• The babies share a placenta (so there is a potential risk of twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome developing, worst case scenario)
• My due date is still in early March, but it's likely that they could come in Jan/Feb, depending on how everything goes (scary...)
• I'll be monitored more closely because of the twin pregnancy, mostly through ultrasounds (which could be as often as every 2-3 weeks)
• This will make one heck of a pregnancy scrapbook!

When it was all sinking in yesterday (put it this way, Matt's initial responses to the ultrasound technician telling us that the embryo had split and there were two babies was a loud "OH SHIT!", and I could barely say a word except for muttering "TWO! ..... TWO! ..... TWO!"), my best friend gave me a good laugh. She said that the weakest of our embryos (as I called it, this one took 6 days to get to the 5-day blastocyst stage suitable for freezing) thought "I'll show them..." and went above and beyond the call.

And indeed it did! It also made me realise that this little one decided upon the stealthy 'divide and conquer' approach to survive, so now I have dubbed their collective tummy name as 'The Overlords'. No peas in a pod around here, that's for sure!

(and it's amused me today because I can throw random comments into the conversation such as "the overlords are hungry" and "the mission for uterine domination continues". Ahh, small things :P)

So here they are, meet the Overlords, both measuring at 6w5d (Rowan always measured two days smaller also).

In the picture, you can see one yolk sac in front of the other (the circles in the middle), with a baby at the top and bottom.

My Brain Has Turned into a Mush of Peppa Pig

I’ve been in Hobart, Tasmania for the past few days (and got home on Saturday) and though it was fun and

had moments of relaxation, it was hard work too. Travelling with a toddler isn’t relaxing in the slightest and while we’ve persevered twice this year (Sydney in March and then Hobart), it isn’t something I’m keen to do again in a hurry.

I’ve also looked back at my patterns of my blogging/writing this year and realise that as my down-time (as a parent) has diminished, so has my writing. Completely understandable – I get it now – being so exhausted by the end of the day can make the outpouring of words seem like a chore. During the moments of calm and relaxation, I find that my words all seem to go ioedbnoeboetisnmorkaesmontlwhmoup56m together (not a slight exaggeration) and any eloquence I once possessed has vanished, to be replaced by the rhetoric of entire episodes of Peppa Pig. For my own mental health I need to get back into this.

And when it does come time to write... what do I say? When I feel a little unsure about things, I prefer to keep it trapped in my mind rather than blurting it out to an audience (even myself), because that makes it just seem more real. As for now? A lot of negativity in my mind, mainly linked to insecurities about parenting and control issues/power struggles. Rowan dropped his day sleep around the same time that he weaned from breastfeeding, then has been ill for the past two weeks (finally coming good at the moment). I’ve felt him easing back in his affection towards me at times (or at least that’s how I feel) and it’s all about Daddy of late. There are continual tantrums, many of which are linked to overtiredness and the refusal of a nap, and then I feel myself losing control of my level-headedness and just want a few minutes to myself without the tears, screams, pushes or the dreaded ‘limp noodle’ position. So I feel a bit inferior as a parent at the moment, which has spilt over into my teaching days and I find myself second-guessing what I do both at work and home, losing confidence in both areas. As a professional I feel underappreciated (and have for most of this year, but have already written about this before), and yearn for a sea change, but know that it isn’t to happen until the end of next year (I want the redundancy and parental leave payments, both highly lucrative and enough to encourage me to keep going). Part of me wants to be pregnant as soon as possible to have an easier pathway out of teaching, the other part of me knows how much I’m struggling to be the parent I want to be right now and that pregnancy might compound things. And then there’s infertility, IVF and that opens another can of worms completely.... ugh! When did life as an adult become so complicated?

But that’s not to say that life doesn’t have its moments of joy. Laughter, cuddles, food, sunshine, photography... all good things (but overshadowed by the trappings of my mind at times). I want to share some photos about the positive things, as I don’t want to forget them...

This is me... a hair update (I'm in a red phase at the moment)

Trucks and sand on our balcony.

Playing with my dragon hat before a work dress-up day (and Rowan's artwork on the fridge)

Scenes from my hubby's parents' house in Hobart, Tasmania.

My attempt at a strawberry cream sponge. Tasted brilliant if I say so myself. ;)

Matt and I (before the hair transformation)

Rowan and Matt at The Aproneers, a great organic and sustainably-focused store and cafe in Hobart.

Jumpers that are way too big are fun. ;)

And crazy bed hair is pretty fun too!

Mother's Day

It is Mother's Day here in Australia today, my third with a child on the outside (Rowan was 5 weeks old on my first one). As he lay in my arms feeding to sleep during naptime this afternoon, I realised how lucky I am, and the journey that it took to conceive him.

It’s beginning to hit me again that even though we have a terrific toddler and my body carried him well as a foetus, deep down I doubt that my infertility is something that has gone away. Hearing lots of baby news from other people I know personally lately (not online) has left me feeling jaded and envious, rather than genuinely happy for my friends. And this is something venomous that I want to stop the spread of, before it overwhelms me and my way of thinking. The interesting part is that I can understand how some people are happy with one child, their one and only. I completely get it, Rowan is the centre of my world and part of me is reluctant to change that. To go through everything again and perhaps not be so lucky (in conception, pregnancy or a child’s development). But I know that we won’t know until it happens, that so many other people (myself included) falter on the precipice of change.

Reading this back in a year’s time, will I nod and stand by my thoughts? 

Will I smile and remember how it felt to be trying to balance my mind?

Or will I laugh and simply consider myself silly for being afraid to take the plunge?

Rowan at 23 Months Old

Just a quick few notes about Rowan at 23 months, next month will most likely be the last of the monthly developmental posts (as I originally started noting things down here for his baby book... which turned into the second year album also).

Rowan started rote-counting 1-10 this month, which surprised us as it happened out of nowhere (childcare, maybe?).

He is starting to incorporate more verbs and is getting more consistent with sentence syntax, eg:

"Mummy come go see Daddy"

"Rowie look at digger"

"Mummy stay home"

"Lay down milk on the bed" (a breastfeed)

Rowan likes to point out happy and sad faces on pictures in books, and is beginning to recognise these on people too.

The discovery of emotions is upon us, and not just happy and sad, but scared too. If something happens in a book or on TV, Rowan can often be heard saying "oh dear, oh dear!", "uh oh!" or having a cry (which was the case while reading the book Belinda, by Pamela Allen, recently).

There are more angry tantrums too, and more excitement. Emotions are up and down, with big extremes. He will get really excited when anticipating an event (sometimes meaning no nap!), and will tell you first thing in the morning about what is happening that day.

Current favourite foods: Rice Bubbles, sour cream, chocolate, hardboiled eggs (whites only), watermelon.

Rowan likes to have a say on the clothing and shoes he is wearing, and quite often packs a bag (without prompting) to take out and about. It usually contains a drink, a toy or two, and something random like a piece of paper from the floor). He'll put it around his neck or over one shoulder, very cute!

Water play is still a favourite pasttime.

I am so glad that most nap times since Rowan's birth have been taken
with him having a breastfeed to sleep. 23 months strong!

Pretend play and serving food with a toy library party set.

Feeding Daddy while out at lunch.

Kisses for Mummy on her birthday. :)

Next stop.... TWO!

My Pregnancy Scrapbook [in Full]

I've made this post public for two reasons: 

1. To share with my family and friends who have listened to me talk about this project for a long time now; and

2. To inspire anyone who happens to find this post through search engines that there are many ways to document a pregnancy, and digital scrapbooking is one of them. :)

Just after Christmas, I finished working on my pregnancy scrapbook which had been over two years in the making. I taught myself digital scrapbooking when I was pregnant with Rowan so that I could undertake this project, and when I look back over my earlier layouts to the more recent ones in the book, I can really tell the difference. I thought about remaking a few of them before printing, but resisted the urge because I have memories associated with these earlier pages. So instead I tweaked the shadows and fixed up any glaring mistakes, and sent it all off for printing.

I printed with an Australian company called 123Cheese, as I had a coupon I'd bought earlier during 2012 with this purpose in mind. Basically, I got a $100+ project printed for $30, including postage/shipping. I was impressed with that, and had printed with the company before (photobooks, not digital scrapbooking projects) so I could vouch for their printing quality. Blurb are another printing company that I recommend, their quality is phenomenal but they are more expensive (you can search out coupons online pretty easily though, there are generally 15% coupons floating around; even up to 25% off before Christmas).

Anyway, back to the book... it was quite literally a labour of love and although I've shared pages here and there from it before, I've never posted it in its entirety before now. So without further ado, here are some pictures of the printed book itself and all week-by-week layouts. Lots of text (mainly for me to look back on, plenty of belly pictures and all the things I deemed important to tell at the time. I've had people ask me if I'd go to this much "effort" for subsequent pregnancies and I've said no, though I'd probably do a more abridged version if time allowed.

Some of the text/pictures might be difficult to make out, but that's due to the compression and resizing. In the printed book, everything looks crystal clear - even the thin journalling fonts. :)

The book itself; hardcover and linen-bound, printed in 12x12".
Hand for size comparision!

An example of layouts in the book (weeks 16-17)

The printing quality is exceptional, though a stitch-bound album would have been lovely,
glue-bound was only available from this company.

Following the week-by-week pages, I have his (lengthy) birth story, and a spread of 10 photographs of Rowan's first week in the world

ONTO THE ALBUM!

To view all pictures at a better size, click on one of them and it will take you to a full-windowed gallery (displaying bigger than in this post)

Inside front cover

Our Christmases

We celebrated Christmas with my husband's family interstate this year (we do alternate years in Melbourne and Hobart, especially important now given that grandchildren are involved!), and it was a busy, whirlwind of an adventure filled with family, food and time spent in the inflatable pool that Rowan received. He was a tad overstimulated on the day, not thinking much of opening presents (though exclaiming with joy about clothing with tags on it!) and taking a couple of bites of Christmas lunch before turning it away and asking for strawberries. Very typical Rowan. 

Here are some pictures from our Christmases (the week before we celebrated with my family, who live in Melbourne)

Rowan with my Mum (his Nana)

He served himself up Christmas dinner with my family and was ever so proud!
(biscuits and dip) Needless to say, a plate of 'proper' dinner was also added to his tray.

He was absolutely ecstatic about getting his very own police car
(Rowan had been trying out the buttons on one for several weeks at a shop apparently)

Playing peekaboo games with my Dad.

This picture (and the ones following) were from our Hobart Christmas.
Rowan received an electric car which he had fun 'driving' all around the decking.

Bath time adventures (we don't have a bath at home, so this was a novelty)

Fun in the sun, in the pool. :)

Walking with Daddy on Christmas Eve in Richmond.

Drinking water out of a goblet on Christmas Day (before abandoning his dinner in favour of strawberries).

A family picture, also taken on Christmas Day.

Plane-spotting before it was time to leave Hobart.

Rowan at 19 Months Old

Our little man is now 19 months old, and getting cheekier, more inquisitive and surprising us more every day with what he is discovering about the world. Rowan is talking up a storm lately, and is stringing together two-word sentences regularly (such as "weetbix bowl" or "Ro-Ro nigh-nigh).

Speaking of nigh-nigh, pretending to put himself to bed is Rowan's most favourite game at the moment. Now that he has the height and body strength to get up onto our big bed, he moves the pillows and squirrels down under the blanket and sheet before declaring "nigh-nigh!" and asking for a kiss. And then it repeats itself... over and over again. And the tantrums that are had about our bedroom door being closed and the bed off-limits, yikes! Needless to say, the evening routine that involves getting to read together under the blankets is one of Rowan's favourite parts of the day.

Rowan has figured out the concept of yes and no during the past month, and responds appropriately to things he likes/dislikes. "Yah!" is a common word we hear enthusiastically said, and "noooooo" ranks a close second. Similarly, he also says "ta" response to giving you something, or wanting something you have. All of these new concepts make him seem so much of a mini-adult at the moment.

His fascination with number and colour continues, and most mornings are spent with at least some time looking over the balcony in the search for blue cars (Rowan's favourite). Trucks, taxis and buses also make for much excitement too.

Toys and other items are beginning to get lined up haphazardly, and Rowan will pretend to count (usually "tooo.... toooo.... toooo" to indicate that he wants to count; really cute!).

After a spate of colds, Rowan's sleep is pretty good at the moment - he's regularly sleeping from 8.30pm-7am (even though he likes to play in his cot at night before falling asleep; you can hear him chattering and/or kicking the wall). He is seeking out more water and less breastmilk at the moment, swapping sides regularly when feeding and I have to convince him to continue on the first side before taking the second.

He surprised us recently by asking for milk and when I lifted up my top in preparation for feeding him, he said "noooo" and ran to the fridge and said "milk... cold". As it turns out, he wanted cow's milk in a sippy cup, which astounded me as I didn't know he liked the taste of it by itself (my guess is that he'd had it at childcare at some point? Rowan has cow's milk on his cereal most mornings but never sought it out by itself before). Since that day a couple of weeks ago, he asks for "cold milk" almost daily, usually during morning or afternoon tea time.

A family picture on our 4th wedding anniversary (Rowan pressed the remote shutter!)

Applauding himself after patting a baby goat at the farm.

Contemplative face.

One of my current favourite pictures of Rowan, playing with my handbag.