November 6, 2012


So after feeling yucky and terrible for over 24 hours, I started expressing yellow-green pus from my right breast after Rowan boycotted eating from that side. No wonder he wasn't interested in it. And no wonder I was feeling so ill. I've had my fair share of blocked milk ducts in the past (almost) 19 months, but this was in a new league... hello mastitis!

I chowed down on raw garlic, rosemary and hand-expressed what I could over an 18-hour period and, after hand-expressing milk several times last night and this morning (Rowan slept 11 hours straight), the lumps in my breast are a lot smaller and not feeling engorged/tight, and only mild tenderness remains. The red streaks across my breast are also gone today – and the colour of the milk is more normalised too. By tonight, Rowan fed normally off that side, so I’m guessing that the taste was back to his liking too. I haven’t felt so flu-like either so, while I wouldn’t consider myself in the clear just yet, I’m feeling a damned-sight better than I was 24 hours ago.

Rowan has been going through a pinching phase lately (not in anger/frustration, but experimentation; just touching skin and saying “ouch” – my breasts included. He pinched/pulled quite hard a couple of days ago, so I’m wondering if that had anything to do with what I have been going through?).

One of the women in our Mums Group announced that she is pregnant again (she is 11 weeks, her daughter is 18 months old and the youngest in the group; the rest of the babies are between 19-21 months old at the moment). I’m thrilled for her but understandably have a little stab of envy. While pregnant and parenting Rowan, it was/is easy for me to forget our fertility struggles at times... but knowing that more pregnancies are likely to be announced by the other ladies in the next year or two makes me a little apprehensive about our own next step. Yes, we want to have (at least) another child in the future, but I have no idea what form this will take. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to go through month after month of disappointment, or appointments, needles, hormones, medication, procedures and waiting. Oh the waiting. Yes, we were incredibly lucky to have conceived Rowan on our first attempt of IVF but who’s to say that we won’t be so lucky next time? Going through this all the first time I had nothing to compare it to. But now? Being older, wiser and with more life experience I know how hard it can be. And I’m scared. Even things such as riding the IVF rollercoaster and going to appointments without work/family knowing (ie, arranging care for Rowan) so at least we could keep things more of a surprise next time if/when pregnancy happens. 

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