January 17, 2010

A New Year

So here I am, into 2010 and still at the same point that I was at in January 2009... childless and trying to retain hope in a world that seems to be all about celebrating the joy of children (both born and yet-to-be). This year marked a myriad of cards from friends both within Australia and across oceans that celebrated new arrivals, and smiling happy pictures of families that called themselves 'complete'. So for the month of December my computer desk contained babies, children and more babies (and the occasional ultrasound picture with mistletoe attached), all in 2D form.

However, these were pushed towards the back (oh yes, it's true!) in favour of the cards written by the Kindergarten families that I worked with, whose heartfelt messages of love, support and admiration remind me of why I got into teaching in the first place. Only one family knew of my desire to fall pregnant and that it wasn't happening for us, and they kept my secret. As the years have passed, I've kept meaningful cards in a shoebox, and referred to them in times of frustration (or desperation when I have a particularly challenging class!) and knowledge that despite feeling out-of-my-depth at times I'm truly making a difference in the lives of others.

As for life in general, it's been a time of upheaval... here's a snippet:

* Hubby and I moved house (from a 2br unit to a 2br apartment - holy downsizing, Batman!)
* All of my friends who were trying for a baby in 2009 got their heart's desires
* I finally got some answers about why we haven't been able to fall pregnant

That's right... some answers!

In November, it was discovered that everything on my husband's side is perfect (after the blood/analysis tests showed 'donor quality' results). However, after my ultrasounds, blood tests and finally a Levovist (similar to a HSG) test done, I have blocked fallopian tubes. Total blockage on the right side, and a little of the dye solution was able to run out past my left ovary.

While it was very distressing at the time to hear that there was genuinely a reason for our infertility, it was also reassuring to know that it wasn't my husband and that something can be done. I'm not exploring more surgery at this point (not even for the suspected relapse of my endometriosis), but I'm taking buchu (a herb) in tincture form to assist the clearing of blockages. Our fertility specialist has recommended we wait until April before coming back to begin looking into treatments.

We'll probably be going straight to IVF *gulp* as with my blocked tubes we're not candidates for IUI. I'm a little scared as to all of the hormones/injections that this will involve, and more importantly how we'll afford this - IVF is expensive here in Australia (especially now that changes have been made to the Medicare rebate and cycles need to be paid for upfront). But if this process is what leads us to becoming parents, then I'm fully embracing it!

And in the meantime? I start back to a new Kindergarten year in ten days, and if anything will get my mind off the next three months of waiting, it'll be that!


  1. Hi!
    Thanks for stopping by my blog, it's nice to meet you :)

    I think it's a mixed blessing dealing with infertility and working with children. I love my students like they are my own...but at the same time I'm outraged by the number of parents who take it for granted that they have such awesome children.

    As for the injections...I had to do one before my IUIs and it really wasn't as bad as I thought (and I'm a needlephobe).

    Keep in touch,

  2. Mypregnancytruths,

    I just discovered the Jendometriosis blog and through that, I discovered your blog. Best of luck pursuing IVF!

    I recently made a badge incorporating the RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association logo (with their permission) on my blog.

    The purpose of the blog badge is to point readers to the RESOLVE page regarding pending legislation that could invade IVF patients' right and even make IVF inaccessible for people in the state where the legislation was proposed (in the U.S.).

    If the bills pass into law, I think it will be precedent-setting and spread to other states (if not the world). I find the pending legislation very alarming and an affront to infertility patients everywhere. There is a whole post about it with more details on my blog.

    In any event, my degree is in elementary education and I student taught kindergarteners plus I taught kindergarteners the year before in my "junior participation" at college. So, I know how special it is to work with children that age.

    At the same time, I can only imagine that working with children all day can make infertility all the more painful at times. I'm so sorry.

    One of my closest friends went to school for teaching but works as a nanny to 4 young children. She and her husband have struggled with infertility for 7+ years and have had multiple miscarriages. :( They also had a failed adoption in November. After all of their struggles and pain, they are about to adopt a son very soon. Her blog is very informative about infertility, miscarriage, adoption, etc.

    I generally don't leave blog links in blog comments (at the risk of looking spammy)... especially on blogs I'm new to.

    However, if you want to check out my friend's blog, you can easily find it via mine. (Her name is Alicia - aka Yaya).

    I have lived with endometriosis symptoms for 27 years. I am now 41. It has been quite a learning experience!

    Anyway, I'm rambling on. I just wanted to say, "nice to 'meet' you" and to say hello.

    Best of luck to you!!


  3. I have a stupid question. What are your tubes blocked with?