So here I am, into 2010 and still at the same point that I was at in January 2009... childless and trying to retain hope in a world that seems to be all about celebrating the joy of children (both born and yet-to-be). This year marked a myriad of cards from friends both within Australia and across oceans that celebrated new arrivals, and smiling happy pictures of families that called themselves 'complete'. So for the month of December my computer desk contained babies, children and more babies (and the occasional ultrasound picture with mistletoe attached), all in 2D form.
However, these were pushed towards the back (oh yes, it's true!) in favour of the cards written by the Kindergarten families that I worked with, whose heartfelt messages of love, support and admiration remind me of why I got into teaching in the first place. Only one family knew of my desire to fall pregnant and that it wasn't happening for us, and they kept my secret. As the years have passed, I've kept meaningful cards in a shoebox, and referred to them in times of frustration (or desperation when I have a particularly challenging class!) and knowledge that despite feeling out-of-my-depth at times I'm truly making a difference in the lives of others.
As for life in general, it's been a time of upheaval... here's a snippet:
* Hubby and I moved house (from a 2br unit to a 2br apartment - holy downsizing, Batman!)
* All of my friends who were trying for a baby in 2009 got their heart's desires
* I finally got some answers about why we haven't been able to fall pregnant
That's right... some answers!
In November, it was discovered that everything on my husband's side is perfect (after the blood/analysis tests showed 'donor quality' results). However, after my ultrasounds, blood tests and finally a Levovist (similar to a HSG) test done, I have blocked fallopian tubes. Total blockage on the right side, and a little of the dye solution was able to run out past my left ovary.
While it was very distressing at the time to hear that there was genuinely a reason for our infertility, it was also reassuring to know that it wasn't my husband and that something can be done. I'm not exploring more surgery at this point (not even for the suspected relapse of my endometriosis), but I'm taking buchu (a herb) in tincture form to assist the clearing of blockages. Our fertility specialist has recommended we wait until April before coming back to begin looking into treatments.
We'll probably be going straight to IVF *gulp* as with my blocked tubes we're not candidates for IUI. I'm a little scared as to all of the hormones/injections that this will involve, and more importantly how we'll afford this - IVF is expensive here in Australia (especially now that changes have been made to the Medicare rebate and cycles need to be paid for upfront). But if this process is what leads us to becoming parents, then I'm fully embracing it!
And in the meantime? I start back to a new Kindergarten year in ten days, and if anything will get my mind off the next three months of waiting, it'll be that!